Typographunnies

11.18.08

GOOD 8EH 6BAD 9

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Laura
Laura who?
Laura Mipsum

11.18.08

GOOD 8EH 8BAD 7

Orphans have a future, but no past, while widows have a past, but no future.

11.05.08

GOOD 51EH 36BAD 36

Why was the design student reading Oliver Twist?

He was told to research orphans.
by Chase

11.03.08

GOOD 46EH 32BAD 33

What happens when a graphic designer tries to print a lithograph on a non-Postscript printer?

He gets Courier and Ives.
by Mike’s Friend

11.03.08

GOOD 62EH 30BAD 32

What holy Spanish martyr was killed when his feet were removed?

San Serif
by Mike’s Friend

11.01.08

GOOD 66EH 35BAD 36

Whenever I get to the end of a letter I’m writing I like to write “PS– This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were removed.”
by Mitch Hedberg

11.01.08

GOOD 45EH 36BAD 30

Indented paragraph asks his partially indented sibling: “Howzit hangin’, bro?”
by Mike

10.21.08

GOOD 75EH 57BAD 69

What did the type master say to the terrorist graffiti artist?

Don't bomb me.
by ghost

10.17.08

GOOD 83EH 62BAD 64

If you have a problem what’s the best type to look for at CTU?

Bauer Bodoni
by Chunk

10.13.08

GOOD 127EH 90BAD 69

What did the other typographer’s son get for Christmas when he asked for a toy train set?

Tracking
by nn

10.13.08

GOOD 103EH 86BAD 72

What travelling attraction entertains typefaces worldwide?

The Wingding Brothers’ Circus
by Bwee

10.09.08

GOOD 196EH 85BAD 87

What kind of attack can kill the most typographers?

Arial
by anonymous

10.08.08

GOOD 127EH 109BAD 96

Why Comic Sans was allowed to live at the Font Kingdom’s Castle?

Because every courts needs a buffoon.
by julien britnic

10.06.08

GOOD 109EH 89BAD 99

I must say that I greatly enjoy working with Bell Centennial. A typeface like that only comes once every hundred years.

10.06.08

GOOD 100EH 85BAD 90

10.06.08

GOOD 99EH 83BAD 83

What font was designed to look smooth on your monitor?

Silkscreen

10.03.08

GOOD 102EH 92BAD 102

What did the typographer’s son get for Christmas when he asked for a toy train set?

A specimen of Freight Micro.

09.30.08

GOOD 138EH 107BAD 102

Why was the deputy serif called into the prison cell?

There was a hung punctuation.

09.29.08

GOOD 134EH 108BAD 100

09.26.08

GOOD 140EH 130BAD 153

Yo momma’s so ugly she was born with ink traps on her face but never grew into them.

09.24.08

GOOD 173EH 126BAD 158

Which typeface starred in an Austin Powers movie?

Fat Bastard
by Silent T

09.24.08

GOOD 207EH 132BAD 152

Yo momma’s so skinny the kids call her Stick Ultra Light Condensed.

09.23.08

GOOD 148EH 133BAD 200

Max, I'm just going to DIE if you don't design me a NEUE typeface. I'll supervise right here at HAAS. But I know it will be pretty GROTESK, since you are keen on making akzidenz. - Eduard Hoffmann
by Chase

09.23.08

GOOD 231EH 142BAD 144

What font goes best with beer?

Wingdings!
by nanek

09.21.08

GOOD 404EH 171BAD 151

What’s the difference between an A and an H?

Perspective!
by Terpacks

09.21.08

GOOD 204EH 147BAD 141

09.21.08

GOOD 216EH 171BAD 138

Which are the most communicative typefaces?

The open type ones.
by Bernat

09.21.08

GOOD 252EH 138BAD 142

What’s a typographer’s least favourite movie?

Annie (they hate orphans)
by illustraik

09.20.08

GOOD 296EH 153BAD 228

My girlfriend has her “time of the month” so often that she has colons… One period on top of another.
by bda

09.20.08

GOOD 157EH 143BAD 179

Did you know Dorothy’s (of the Wizard of Oz) aunt was a famous typographer?
Yes, Auntie Em.
by Peter Miller

09.19.08

GOOD 154EH 143BAD 189

A sad Font Family Reunion:
“How is Arnold Boecklin?” “Died from Leading poising.”
“Have you seen Shelly Andante?” “Killed when a Drop Cap fell on her.”
“Where is Baker Signet?” “Orphaned at the end of a very important paragraph.”
“I heard you were living in Raleigh.” “We were, but we Defaulted on our loan and live in Courier now.”
“How’s your leg after that wound?” “Fine. But this CopperPlate keeps setting off metal detectors!
by Terpacks

09.18.08

GOOD 312EH 192BAD 245

So you have more than 5 styles but that doesn’t make you the center of the Univers.
Oh, look who’s talking, now go to Hell Vetica!

09.18.08

GOOD 645EH 166BAD 164

How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Does it have to be a lightbulb?
by JohnGar

09.17.08

GOOD 329EH 336BAD 183

How many typesetters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but you have to specify how tight you want it.
by Mark S.

09.11.08

GOOD 299EH 182BAD 351

09.03.08

GOOD 621EH 238BAD 227

What did the 8 say to the infinity symbol?

Wake up!

08.28.08

GOOD 1026EH 163BAD 158

Keming. The result of improper kerning.
by monoscope

08.26.08

GOOD 713EH 248BAD 200

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt.
by Tittle

08.26.08

GOOD 274EH 206BAD 173

I helped a friend to space out some letters in a headline he’d designed, and just yesterday he helped me with some printing margins. It just goes to show you, one good kern deserves a gutter.
by Bee

08.23.08

GOOD 237EH 192BAD 503

08.22.08

GOOD 244EH 189BAD 225

What typeface will you always find in an Evil Overlord’s hideout?

Minion, naturally.
by CMYk

08.21.08

GOOD 178EH 165BAD 272

Typographers’ three favorite colors:
black and red and blonde.
by J.R.

08.20.08

GOOD 536EH 180BAD 175

08.19.08

GOOD 165EH 157BAD 266

Why shouldn’t blackletter faces be used as knocked out type?

Because you’d have white blackletters.
by Spartacus

08.09.08

GOOD 434EH 212BAD 224

Ampers&

07.02.08

GOOD 241EH 244BAD 301

Which character is most likely to suffer from scoliosis?

S. They typically have curved spines.

06.16.08

GOOD 237EH 236BAD 295

Have you heard? Lucas de Groot is working on a new set of typefaces, similar to Thesis!
Really? Theserif and Thesans were awesome. What’s this next series called?
Thebrother!

05.23.08

GOOD 267EH 246BAD 255

In the 18th century, how did the doctors treat Bodoni’s ball terminal illness?

With a bit of blood-leading.

05.20.08

GOOD 392EH 250BAD 266

Why couldn’t the designer use Perpetua in his animation?

Perpetua motion is impossible.

05.20.08

GOOD 299EH 252BAD 270

Professor: “Jacob, I was very disappointed to see your editorial spread. You know Verdana was meant for on-screen displays. What did I tell you about using the default system fonts?”
Student: “But sir, I had a very good reason for using Verdana.”
Professor: “What historical or cultural ties could Verdana have in Hound of the Baskervilles? You might as well have used Baskerville!”
Student: “That would’ve been too obvious. But since my spread was on Sherlock Holmes, I figured that it would be appropriate to use a font that was all about the little hints.”

05.13.08

GOOD 481EH 255BAD 272

What typeface do fish fear most?

Gill Sans

05.09.08

GOOD 283EH 256BAD 283

After cherishing and kissing all of her typed love letters, Peggy contracted this…

Andale Mono

05.06.08

GOOD 301EH 298BAD 287

What typographical term are Siamese twins most familiar with?

Keming.
by Niko Bellic

05.05.08

GOOD 272EH 250BAD 327

Monkey 1: What’s your favorite font?
Monkey 2: Why, Ape-X Sans, of course!

04.30.08

GOOD 331EH 267BAD 320

How did the typeface cross the gutter?

He jumped.
by Brad

04.29.08

GOOD 526EH 262BAD 276

A sans-serif face walks into the street and is hit by a Swiss Modernist truck. The carnage is grotesk… but you know, akzidenz happen.
by Paul Halupka

04.29.08

GOOD 611EH 260BAD 282

A font walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we don’t serve your type here.” and he called the Serif.
by David

04.24.08

GOOD 1031EH 285BAD 438

Comic Sans
by AXL

04.24.08

GOOD 325EH 267BAD 284

There is a new revival of Cooper Black rolling on to the market which only contains ordinals. It is called Mini-Cooper.
by dezcom

04.24.08

GOOD 375EH 276BAD 275

Headline Gothic walks into a bar. The barman asks, “Why the long face?”
Submitted by Clovis

04.23.08

GOOD 275EH 281BAD 370

Why was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle a man of letters?

Because he wrote
The Hound of the Baskervilles.
Submitted by Janus

04.23.08

GOOD 249EH 268BAD 300

Man! You look like something the cat dragged in.
Worse. My fountain pen got caught in an ink trap.
Submitted by Janus

04.23.08

GOOD 510EH 268BAD 314

Yo mama’s so old, she refers to Century as Futura.

04.23.08

GOOD 320EH 270BAD 297

A restaurant’s price range is directly proportional to the amount of tracking in its logotype.

04.21.08

GOOD 352EH 269BAD 301

When designing a font, calculating the metrics is the most x-heighting part.

04.20.08

GOOD 322EH 328BAD 291

When you need it most, this system font delivers.

Courier

04.19.08

GOOD 317EH 275BAD 369

What medical condition is illustrated here?
( : )

Colon cancer...Yeah......Sorry.

04.18.08

GOOD 303EH 294BAD 305

Shouldn’t Times New Roman set in italics be called Times New Italics?

04.15.08

GOOD 300EH 280BAD 282

What kind of lettering is known to suffer from Tourettes?

Cursive

04.12.08

GOOD 287EH 266BAD 291

There once was a rowdy glyph
who would always get in a tiff
met a massive pounder
who punched his counter
and gave him a typeface-lift.

03.29.08

GOOD 377EH 260BAD 295

Did you hear? Comma and Period got married.
Really? Comma’s a great guy, but who’s Period?
Some moody chick he picked up at the Crossbar a year ago.
I bet she’s perfect for him.
Yep, she’s always finishing his sentences.

03.28.08

GOOD 278EH 262BAD 299

What font did the literalist use to number his pages?

Folio.

02.05.08

GOOD 346EH 265BAD 306

A traffic cop pulls over an ellipsis for speeding and asks, “Where’s the fire, buddy?” The ellipsis replies “hmm… ummm… uhhhh… ahh…”

02.09.08

GOOD 297EH 266BAD 319

What kind of music does Franklin Gothic enjoy?

The Heavy Metal Type.

02.08.08

GOOD 286EH 275BAD 326

I got this neat idea for a movie. You know Paul Renner, right?
Duh, he designed Futura. Classic, but clunky, not as nice as Avenir.
Right on! Imagine what Paul would do if he laid eyes on Avenir.
Impossible. He died 32 years before it was designed.
Not in my movie. Let’s say he’s found this time machine…and he uses it to to spy on Frutiger’s drafts for Avenir, and he comes back in time, uses the knowledge gained, and revises his own Futura!
That’s crazy, yo. What would the movie be called?
Back to the Futura.
Fucking brilliant.

02.06.08

GOOD 284EH 254BAD 322

Where should you look if you’re missing a glyph?

The Lost-and-Foundry

02.10.08

GOOD 297EH 272BAD 345

How long does it take for a type designer to change a light bulb?

It depends on if you need it to be
normal, bold, or heavy.

02.07.08

GOOD 382EH 275BAD 328

What was history’s most well-spoken typeface?

Times. Because Times Knew Roman.

02.09.08

GOOD 385EH 281BAD 280

What kind of fonts do Campbell’s Soup lovers prefer?

Anything Condensed.

02.10.08

GOOD 305EH 284BAD 300

Why was Sara mad when Gary put display type into her gelatin mix?

It set solid.