Typographunnies
11.18.08
8
6
9
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Laura
Laura who?
Laura Mipsum
11.18.08
8 8 7
Orphans have a future, but no past, while widows have a past, but no future.
11.05.08
51 36 36
Why was the design student reading Oliver Twist?
He was told to research orphans.
11.03.08
46 32 33
What happens when a graphic designer tries to print a lithograph on a non-Postscript printer?
He gets Courier and Ives.
11.03.08
62 30 32
What holy Spanish martyr was killed when his feet were removed?
San Serif
11.01.08
66 35 36
Whenever I get to the end of a letter I’m writing I like to write “PS– This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were removed.”
11.01.08
45 36 30
Indented paragraph asks his partially indented sibling: “Howzit hangin’, bro?”
10.21.08
75 57 69
What did the type master say to the terrorist graffiti artist?
Don't bomb me.
10.17.08
83 62 64
If you have a problem what’s the best type to look for at CTU?
Bauer Bodoni
10.13.08
127 90 69
What did the other typographer’s son get for Christmas when he asked for a toy train set?
Tracking
10.13.08
103 86 72
What travelling attraction entertains typefaces worldwide?
The Wingding Brothers’ Circus
10.09.08
196 85 87
What kind of attack can kill the most typographers?
Arial
10.08.08
127 109 96
Why Comic Sans was allowed to live at the Font Kingdom’s Castle?
Because every courts needs a buffoon.
10.06.08
109 89 99
I must say that I greatly enjoy working with Bell Centennial. A typeface like that only comes once every hundred years.
10.06.08
100 85 90
10.03.08
102 92 102
What did the typographer’s son get for Christmas when he asked for a toy train set?
A specimen of Freight Micro.
09.30.08
138 107 102
Why was the deputy serif called into the prison cell?
There was a hung punctuation.
09.29.08
134 108 100
09.26.08
140 130 153
Yo momma’s so ugly she was born with ink traps on her face but never grew into them.
09.24.08
207 132 152
Yo momma’s so skinny the kids call her Stick Ultra Light Condensed.
09.23.08
148 133 200
Max, I'm just going to DIE if you don't design me a NEUE typeface. I'll supervise right here at HAAS. But I know it will be pretty GROTESK, since you are keen on making akzidenz. - Eduard Hoffmann
09.23.08
231 142 144
What font goes best with beer?
Wingdings!
09.21.08
404 171 151
What’s the difference between an A and an H?
Perspective!
09.21.08
204 147 141
09.21.08
216 171 138
Which are the most communicative typefaces?
The open type ones.
09.21.08
252 138 142
What’s a typographer’s least favourite movie?
Annie (they hate orphans)
09.20.08
296 153 228
My girlfriend has her “time of the month” so often that she has colons… One period on top of another.
09.20.08
157 143 179
Did you know Dorothy’s (of the Wizard of Oz) aunt was a famous typographer?
Yes, Auntie Em.
09.19.08
154 143 189
A sad Font Family Reunion:
“How is Arnold Boecklin?” “Died from Leading poising.”
“Have you seen Shelly Andante?” “Killed when a Drop Cap fell on her.”
“Where is Baker Signet?” “Orphaned at the end of a very important paragraph.”
“I heard you were living in Raleigh.” “We were, but we Defaulted on our loan and live in Courier now.”
“How’s your leg after that wound?” “Fine. But this CopperPlate keeps setting off metal detectors!
09.18.08
312 192 245
So you have more than 5 styles but that doesn’t make you the center of the Univers.
Oh, look who’s talking, now go to Hell Vetica!
09.18.08
645 166 164
How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Does it have to be a lightbulb?
09.17.08
329 336 183
How many typesetters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but you have to specify how tight you want it.
09.11.08
299 182 351
09.03.08
621 238 227
What did the 8 say to the infinity symbol?
Wake up!
08.28.08
1026 163 158
Keming. The result of improper kerning.
08.26.08
713 248 200
What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt.
08.26.08
274 206 173
I helped a friend to space out some letters in a headline he’d designed, and just yesterday he helped me with some printing margins. It just goes to show you, one good kern deserves a gutter.
08.23.08
237 192 503
08.22.08
244 189 225
What typeface will you always find in an Evil Overlord’s hideout?
Minion, naturally.
08.21.08
178 165 272
Typographers’ three favorite colors:
black and red and blonde.
08.20.08
536 180 175
08.19.08
165 157 266
Why shouldn’t blackletter faces be used as knocked out type?
Because you’d have white blackletters.
08.09.08
434 212 224
Ampers&
07.02.08
241 244 301
Which character is most likely to suffer from scoliosis?
S. They typically have curved spines.
06.16.08
237 236 295
Have you heard? Lucas de Groot is working on a new set of typefaces, similar to Thesis!
Really? Theserif and Thesans were awesome. What’s this next series called?
Thebrother!
05.23.08
267 246 255
In the 18th century, how did the doctors treat Bodoni’s ball terminal illness?
With a bit of blood-leading.
05.20.08
392 250 266
Why couldn’t the designer use Perpetua in his animation?
Perpetua motion is impossible.
05.20.08
299 252 270
Professor: “Jacob, I was very disappointed to see your editorial spread. You know Verdana was meant for on-screen displays. What did I tell you about using the default system fonts?”
Student: “But sir, I had a very good reason for using Verdana.”
Professor: “What historical or cultural ties could Verdana have in Hound of the Baskervilles? You might as well have used Baskerville!”
Student: “That would’ve been too obvious. But since my spread was on Sherlock Holmes, I figured that it would be appropriate to use a font that was all about the little hints.”
05.13.08
481 255 272
What typeface do fish fear most?
Gill Sans
05.09.08
283 256 283
After cherishing and kissing all of her typed love letters, Peggy contracted this…
Andale Mono
05.06.08
301 298 287
What typographical term are Siamese twins most familiar with?
Keming.
04.30.08
331 267 320
How did the typeface cross the gutter?
He jumped.
04.29.08
526 262 276
A sans-serif face walks into the street and is hit by a Swiss Modernist truck.
The carnage is grotesk… but you know, akzidenz happen.
04.29.08
611 260 282
A font walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we don’t serve your type here.” and he called the Serif.
04.24.08
1031 285 438
Comic Sans
04.24.08
325 267 284
There is a new revival of Cooper Black rolling on to the market which only contains ordinals. It is called Mini-Cooper.
04.24.08
375 276 275
Headline Gothic walks into a bar. The barman asks, “Why the long face?”
04.23.08
275 281 370
Why was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle a man of letters?
Because he wrote
The Hound of the Baskervilles.
04.23.08
249 268 300
Man! You look like something the cat dragged in.
Worse. My fountain pen got caught in an ink trap.
04.23.08
510 268 314
Yo mama’s so old, she refers to Century as Futura.
04.23.08
320 270 297
A restaurant’s price range is directly proportional to the amount of tracking in its logotype.
04.21.08
352 269 301
When designing a font, calculating the metrics is the most x-heighting part.
04.20.08
322 328 291
When you need it most, this system font delivers.
Courier
04.19.08
317 275 369
What medical condition is illustrated here?
( : )
Colon cancer...Yeah......Sorry.
04.18.08
303 294 305
Shouldn’t Times New Roman set in italics be called Times New Italics?
04.15.08
300 280 282
What kind of lettering is known to suffer from Tourettes?
Cursive
04.12.08
287 266 291
There once was a rowdy glyph
who would always get in a tiff
met a massive pounder
who punched his counter
and gave him a typeface-lift.
03.29.08
377 260 295
Did you hear? Comma and Period got married.
Really? Comma’s a great guy, but who’s Period?
Some moody chick he picked up at the Crossbar a year ago.
I bet she’s perfect for him.
Yep, she’s always finishing his sentences.
03.28.08
278 262 299
What font did the literalist use to number his pages?
Folio.
02.05.08
346 265 306
A traffic cop pulls over an ellipsis for speeding and asks, “Where’s the fire, buddy?” The ellipsis replies “hmm… ummm… uhhhh… ahh…”
02.09.08
297 266 319
What kind of music does Franklin Gothic enjoy?
The Heavy Metal Type.
02.08.08
286 275 326
I got this neat idea for a movie. You know Paul Renner, right?
Duh, he designed Futura. Classic, but clunky, not as nice as Avenir.
Right on! Imagine what Paul would do if he laid eyes on Avenir.
Impossible. He died 32 years before it was designed.
Not in my movie. Let’s say he’s found this time machine…and he uses it to to spy on Frutiger’s drafts for Avenir, and he comes back in time, uses the knowledge gained, and revises his own Futura!
That’s crazy, yo. What would the movie be called?
Back to the Futura.
Fucking brilliant.
02.06.08
284 254 322
Where should you look if you’re missing a glyph?
The Lost-and-Foundry
02.10.08
297 272 345
How long does it take for a type designer to change a light bulb?
It depends on if you need it to be
normal, bold, or heavy.
02.07.08
382 275 328
What was history’s most well-spoken typeface?
Times. Because Times Knew Roman.
02.09.08
385 281 280
What kind of fonts do Campbell’s Soup lovers prefer?
Anything Condensed.
02.10.08
305 284 300
Why was Sara mad when Gary put display type into her gelatin mix?
It set solid.
